Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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