I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
