her vagine was all disorganized.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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