I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
