you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
