I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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