My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
