Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
