Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
