i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
