ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
