I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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