Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we made out on top of his cat.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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