You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
