Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
