i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
