wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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