He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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