Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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