i think i have two assholes
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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