ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
