You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
