Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
