Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
