The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
babies were throwing up all over the place
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
