i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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