I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
