I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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