Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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