I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
