TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
