I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Houston, we have a squirter
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
