No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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