Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
