I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My ass is underappreciated
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
