Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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