He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
MIDGETS
????
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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