Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
