my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
