I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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