talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
