So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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