I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
