Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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