I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
