doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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