i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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