Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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