she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
