i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
